So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
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before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
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The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
you never un-have a 4some
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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