i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Sorry about my life...
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
