what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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