We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
