There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
