There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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