We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
