if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
