Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
