are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
