you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
