how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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