just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
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Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
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Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
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