oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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