Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
