Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
