the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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