im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
