Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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