Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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