Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Randomize
