You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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