Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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