Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
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We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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