He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
