Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
