Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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