so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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