He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?