just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra