I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?