Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
