I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Too much gin, very little bucket
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
