My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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