What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
