My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
