I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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