im six kinds of drunk right now
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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