Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize