Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize
