my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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