Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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