I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
