I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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