this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
MIDGETS
????
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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