Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
