Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
