im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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