your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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