he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
