We're like a lot better than the average bears
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
