He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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