i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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