please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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