I showed him my bush... on skype.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
