I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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