Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
