isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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