I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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