If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
