Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
